My first DNF

Yup. After 14 years of endurance racing and training I have finally endured the dreaded Did Not Finish (DNF). Most would look at this as a failure but to be honest this is just part of the sport. I am really surprised I haven’t had this happen sooner. I race 10-14 times a year (from 5K to Marathon and recently triathlons) and to say I have gone this long without having to be escorted off the course is mind boggling.

“But you trained. You should have been ready. “ Is what most of you are saying, or maybe I’m just saying that to myself because I’m still processing all of the emotions. But like I said, this is all part of the sport and not something we actually plan for. Much of the time we go into races with good intentions, a plan and a purpose. We can only control the work we put in before race day. What happens on race day is not always up to us. In my case, the weather and wetsuit situation played a huge role in my decision to DNF the race.

If you have DNF’d let me very clear - you are not a failure. We are not what happens to us but rather how we respond to the situation. Take the time to process what happened and make a choice to move forward (whatever that forward may be, for some it may be not attempting that distance again…others may need a revenge race. Whatever choice you make is your choice. Don’t let the DNF hold you back from owning your own decision.)

Ok now let’s get into the race where I walked away with a DNF instead of medal.

Musselman 70.3

We picked this race because of it’s timing (two months before Ironman Maryland 140.6) and it was in upstate NY - cooler temps and an amazing bike course. The swim was to be in the calm Lake Seneca and temps right at wetsuit legal. Flat run and beautiful views. We stayed at the Marriott Fairfield Inn & Suites in Geneva, about a 1.5 mile run from the transition point. It also seemed to be the Ironman employee hotel as there were tons of work trucks and team members floating about. I do not think they had an official host hotel but there was a hotel that was 100 yards from transition, 41 Lakefront Hotel but it was a Wyndham property and I’m a Marriott girl. (gotta get those nights) The hotel was as expected and not an inconvenience to have to drive 10 mins into town. Parking wasn’t an issue and while it did get busy I didn’t think it was chaotic (mind you I live in Arlington, Va so my perception may be different than yours)

Packet pick up was very anitclimatic - maybe I’ve just been to too many of these things (between my fiance and I we’ve done 10+ 70.3’s) but I kinda liked how chill it was. We got my stickers and timing chip and had dinner at Anorah for our first night.

The next morning, Cody went out and rode the course as part of his Ironman training (he’s currently training for Worlds 70.3 in Marbella). Gave me the ins-outs of the course and also confirmed how pretty of a ride it is between the lakes and the country roads. A few long climbs and lots of horse poop. I sat in the hotel room carb loading and working on clients plans until he returned. There was a Wegmans across the parking lot which came in clutch for carb loading and lost minute snacks. If you’ve never been to Wegmans, you’re missing out. Sushi lunch was chefs kiss.

After Cody finished his ride we headed down to transition to rack my bike and get in a shake out run/ride/swim. It was HOT, I was not expecting it to be that humid but I’ve done lots of hot races so I knew how to adjust and just planned on having a slower race. There were talks of the swim not being wetsuit legal so I took to my shake out swim without a wetsuit to test it out. I have never raced without a wetsuit but I’m a strong(ish) swimmer and with a calm/clear lake figured it wouldn’t be that bad for my first. Swim went fine, noticed a slight current but nothing too rough. That all was about to change.

Race morning we received a notification from Ironman that water temp was 78 degrees and it would be wetsuit optional. Looking back this was my grave mistake. The lake was not calm as compared to the day before and the winds were whipping. I had planned a 38-41 min swim but adjusted to 50 mins without a wetsuit. Lined myself up with 55 mins just to be safe. The entire morning I was sick to my stomach, nervous about the swim. I’m rarely that nervous where I can’t eat or keep food down. In fact in three other 70.3 races I never had this problem. I knew I could fuel on the bike, so just had to get through the swim. Waiting in line felt like an eternity - took about 34 mins for me to get into the water. Cody told me that once he saw me line up over half of the field had opted to use wetsuits, he made the wise decision not to tell me as that would have panicked me even more. Am I kicking myself for not sending him 1.5 miles to get my wetsuit, kinda. But it was the choice I made and I will move forward.

Entering the water wasn’t that bad, I figured once I broke the waves and got a little further out the waves would settle down. I was wrong. I spent the first 100 yards breaststroking trying to keep my head above water. Even when I would try to freestyle I would get lost in a wave and take in water. I have never stopped at a kayak or paddle boarder in my races but this race I stopped at three. Each once feeling worse and worse. I was counting the buoys trying to figure out if I could make it to the turn buoy. With every wave I took on more water and ended up feeling so nauseous my breakfast was coming back up. I started to feel like how I get when I get car sick and by the third paddle board stop I had him wave the orange flag to take me to shore.

I cried. I cried hard. I had never failed like this before. I felt relieved it was over. But still the emptiness of not finishing sat with me as I climbed into the raft to take me to shore. Another woman named Alicia was in the boat and she gave me a hug as I cried, it was also her first DNF. She told me how the water has never been this bad in the 10 years she’s done this race. We helped other swimmers into the boat and headed to shore. The worst part - they make you go through transition after dropping you off. So everyone is cheering for you not knowing that you just had the worst day of your racing life. It was kinda funny actually looking back at it.

It took me over an hour to find Cody which was probably good - gave me time to process my emotions and be with my own feelings without influence from others. Something I highly recommend to my athletes. Don’t let others tell you how they feel or how you should feel. Allow yourself to go through all the stages of grief - grieve the race you planned to have. It’s ok to be mad, sad, angry - you name it! The most important part is processing the emotions and taking away learning points for the next time.

So while I didn’t get to do the race as the awesome race director had planned out. I did end up riding the bike course and running the run course later that day once my nausea had subsided.

This wasn’t the race report I was planning to write about Musselman 70.3 but instead turned into a race/life lesson that I think it important for everyone to hear. You can PR in the same year that you have a string of horrible races. You are not your finish time. Your worth is not tied to a singular race result. You are the sum of your efforts, day in and day out. Showing up not for a medal but for yourself. I could look back and consider myself a failure for not choosing to wear the wetsuit, choosing to let the lifeguard wave the orange flag. But instead I am proud of the choices I made to protect my safety and allow me to learn for the next race.

Post Race

After telling my story on IG I had numerous other athletes DM me about their experience and another coach remind me that swimming in waves can bring on feelings of motion sickness (I get super car sick on long car rides). I also suffer from vertigo with changing pressure and there was a thunderstorm rolling in that afternoon, which is a trigger for my vertigo. Are all these excuses for my race day gone south? Maybe. But they provide more of an explanation and I learned I should probably take an all natural motion sickness medication if I’m going to be in rough waters. See? Always learning. If I had my wetsuit maybe I would have made it a little further? I still would have felt sick..which would have resulted in a really hard 56 mile bike ride and 13.1 mile run. Being underfueled and sick in a 70.3 is not an experience I am interested in having.

Thanks for reading this far. As a running/triathlon coach and personal trainer, I tell these stories about my racing so you can learn. Racing and training is hard. You are not alone. I’ve been there and now can say done that when it comes to a DNF. I’ve always told athletes they will know when it’s time to DNF. There will be races that are really hard and you want to quit but now from experience I can tell you that you will know when it is time to quit. The feeling is different. When you know, you know.